Family secrets can take many forms, from concealed information, taboos and invisible loyalties that bind us to unspoken family norms. They are often sensitive topics that are avoided, off-limits, or forbidden. They are swept under the carpet because they are associated with shame, guilt, fear, or challenge the family value system. Infidelity, sexuality, an unacknowledged child or ‘secret child’, adoption, suicide, hidden debt, incarceration, mental health issues, addictions, family conflicts, and estrangements can all have significant emotional and psychological impacts on the family system and individuals involved. 

Imagine a tapestry woven with threads of shared stories, experiences and memories. Now, imagine some threads are invisible to the eye but shape the entire design. These hidden threads represent family secrets – powerful, often unspoken truths that profoundly influence our lives. 

Secrets in our family system affect us deeply and can leave a mark on our genes through epigenetics, the study of how our environment and experiences influence our genes. When we carry the burden of keeping or uncovering a family secret, this can impact our mental and physical health in profound ways. Breaking the silence around family taboos is crucial to healing and personal growth. 

Feeling shame creates energy blockages in the body, resulting in feelings of emptiness and a sense of incompleteness. Shame stems from feeling fundamentally flawed, unworthy, or unacceptable. It can be triggered by criticism, rejection, abuse, or unmet expectations. By identifying the origin of the shame and releasing it from the body, we can break the cycle of intergenerational trauma and negative patterns. 

I have been blessed to work with thousands of clients in therapy, and the most significant impact secrets, taboos and loyalties in the family system have is how they influence a person’s health and well-being. Entanglements are complex in family systems and often unconscious, where a client becomes enmeshed in the unresolved issues and emotional burdens of other family members. These entanglements can span generations, passed down from previous generations, unresolved grief, trauma or conflicts. My client will express how she carries the emotional weight of others in the family, and this leads to stress, anxiety and depression. Interestingly, one of the most common presenting issues is parentification. The adult child becomes the confidant or emotional caretaker for their parent. This role reversal dynamic often forms at a young age, depending on birth order, if a parent is absent or dies and acts as a surrogate partner. The client grows up feeling resentment for the loss of childhood and has strained personal relationships, power struggles, can’t ask for support, and lack of boundaries and self-care. 

I have witnessed hundreds of mysterious, acute and chronic illnesses and perplexing health conditions, anxiety and depression, resolved through uncovering, addressing and resolving the taboo issue, which reduces the stress and trauma, having a profound effect on a person’s overall well-being. 

Breaking the silence around family taboos is a brave and transformative step. I’m passionate about acknowledging and bringing your family’s darkness into the light. Through this transformational journey, you will create a legacy of understanding and support for future generations.