Betrayal leaves a mark. I see it in my practice all the time—in the heartbreak of someone discovering their partner’s secret life, in the quiet devastation of a friendship that turned toxic, in the pain of a child (now an adult) still waiting for a parent’s love that never arrived. Some wounds are fresh; others have been carried for decades. But the question is always the same: How do I move past this?

The world tells us to forgive. That holding on only hurts us. That healing means letting go. And while there’s truth in that, it’s not the whole truth. I sit with people who feel pressure to ‘get over it,’ to ‘be the bigger person,’ when every part of them is still raw. And I remind them: healing isn’t about forcing forgiveness. It’s about honouring what’s real.

The Many Faces of Betrayal

Betrayal isn’t just about affairs or lies—it’s about broken trust in all its forms. It’s the mother who never protected you. The father who abandoned you in everything but name. The friend who used your vulnerability as currency. The employer who exploited your loyalty. And sometimes, the deepest betrayal is the one we commit against ourselves—staying in places that harm us, ignoring the voice inside that says enough.

These betrayals don’t just hurt—they shift something fundamental. They make us question everything: Who can I trust? Am I foolish for believing in people? Will I ever feel safe again? I hear these questions every day, and they are not easy to answer.

Forgiveness vs. Self-Respect

Forgiveness is often painted as the noble path, the sign of emotional maturity. And sometimes, it is. When done on our terms, for our own peace, it can be liberating. But forgiveness is not a requirement for healing. In some cases, it feels more like self-betrayal—handing over a kindness that was never earned, offering an open door to someone who would only hurt us again.

I see the relief in people when I tell them: You don’t have to forgive to be free. You don’t have to keep the door open just because society tells you to. Some betrayals call for forgiveness; others call for silence, distance, and an unwavering commitment to yourself.

The Power of Silence

Silence is often misunderstood. People think it means avoidance or unfinished business. But I’ve seen the power of silence—the way it shifts energy, the way it reclaims dignity. Silence says:

“I don’t need an apology to move forward.”
“I no longer seek validation from someone who devalued me.”
“I choose my peace over your explanation.”

Silence is not bitterness. It’s wisdom. It’s knowing that some people will never understand or acknowledge the damage they’ve done, and choosing to walk away anyway.

Healing on Your Own Terms

Healing is never a one-size-fits-all process. For some, forgiveness is the way forward. For others, it’s a quiet closing of a chapter, no need for words or reconciliation. I tell my clients: Do what brings you peace, not what makes others comfortable.

Because in the end, betrayal changes us. But it doesn’t have to define us.