Somewhere along the way, we’ve convinced women that if they’re struggling, they’ve somehow failed.

Failed to cope.

Failed to regulate their emotions.

Failed to heal.

Failed to be resilient.

And if they can’t, then they must need repairing.

As a psychotherapist, I believe we’ve spent decades overpathologising women. In doing so, we’ve created one of the great cultural tragedies of our time – we’ve taught women not to trust themselves.

Don’t misunderstand me. Severe mental illness exists and deserves compassionate, evidence-based care. But many of the women who walk through my door are not mentally ill.

They are grieving.

Exhausted.

Disconnected from themselves.

Living lives that no longer fit.

Yet instead of asking what their distress might be trying to tell them, we’re quick to give it a diagnosis.

Dr Clarissa Pinkola Estés writes about the Wild Woman -the instinctive, intuitive part of every woman that knows what is true. She knows when something isn’t right. She knows when a relationship no longer honours her. She knows when she’s betraying herself to keep the peace.

Yet from an early age, many women learn not to trust that knowing.

Be agreeable.

Be accommodating.

Don’t upset anyone.

Put everyone else first.

The Wild Woman doesn’t disappear.

She simply goes quiet.

Until one day the body protests.

The mind protests.

The soul protests.

And instead of asking, “What is this trying to tell me?”, women ask, “What’s wrong with me?”

Over the years, I’ve noticed there are generally two groups of women who come to see me.

The first become attached to a diagnosis. Every experience is viewed through the lens of that label. Therapy becomes about managing symptoms, searching for another explanation or collecting another diagnosis, rather than understanding themselves.

The second stop searching for another label.

They’re searching for themselves.

They want to understand why they abandoned themselves.

Why they ignored their instincts.

Why they keep repeating the same patterns.

Those women often make the deepest shifts because they stop defining themselves by what they have and start discovering who they are.

Thousands of years ago, the ancient Greeks carved two words into stone:

Know thyself.

Not diagnose thyself.

Not compare thyself.

Know thyself.

I don’t believe we’re progressing.

I believe we’re drifting further away from one of the oldest psychological truths we have.

Healing begins with knowing yourself.

This is the wisdom of the Wild Woman and the Crone.

The Wild Woman is instinct.

The Crone is embodiment.

The Wild Woman has always known.

She knows when something doesn’t fit.

She knows when a relationship has run its course.

She knows when a boundary has been crossed.

She knows when a life no longer reflects who she is.

The Crone no longer negotiates with that knowing.

She doesn’t shrink herself to keep the peace.

She doesn’t squeeze herself into relationships, careers or identities that don’t fit.

Society often rewards women for being accommodating, self-sacrificing and agreeable. A woman who trusts herself can unsettle others because she stops playing the roles that kept everyone else comfortable.

But she also gives other women permission to stop abandoning themselves.

Women don’t need another label.

They need the courage to trust themselves.

The courage to stop negotiating with what they know.

The courage to stop squeezing themselves into lives that no longer fit.

The Crone simply has the courage to live what she knows.