The ultimate betrayal.

Affairs has existed since marriage was invented. It has never been so easy to stray nor has it ever been so difficult to keep a secret in the world we live in today. We now live in a world where we are entitled to pursue our desires. How do we restore trust when one of the big universal taboos, which is so commonly practiced is very misunderstood?  How do we define it?  Is it a love story, an act of tryst out of boredom, sexting, watching porn or the happy ending after a massage for a man or a woman?

Why it happens

Men tend to look outside due to boredom or fear of intimacy and women look outside due to loneliness and are hungry for intimacy and to be desired. The blame is often pointed to the partner who strayed but I question many of my client’s and ask them what non-human affair or sexual substitute did they turn to which contributed to their partner looking outside. 

For centuries women have been pressured to hide and deny themselves pleasure. More often nowadays women, young and old are having affairs. This terrifies the patriarchal male and is a sign of the rising power of the feminine. Nothing will drop a man to his knees and be the death of his ego if his woman leaves him for another man due to his lack of sexual desire for her.  She becomes bigger than her man and it’s out of balance and she goes in search of a strong masculine to fill her.  It is the search for our lost self and who we have become which causes our gaze to wander and not so much the person we pursue.

The empowered woman who awakens and discovers her sexuality becomes wild, free and passionate. She needs a male who is energetically bigger than her. It won’t work if he isn’t. 

If she doesn’t understand her primal life-force energy, she attracts the shadow in a male and her sexual energy exhausts her as her expression becomes externalised and she loses her power and aches for the love she gives away. 

Is it really the worst thing that can happen for a couple or is it the beginning of a new relationship with the same person? There is nothing like a scorned woman fuelled by jealousy which can ignite sexual alchemy for her man.

An affair can come out of the blue, like a lightning bolt deep into the core of the heart swiftly, knocking at your door with intensity.

 With little sleep and appetite, the feelings gain momentum and so does the secret. The couple often become more daring as their forbidden lust for each other grows to new levels. 

Then agony arrives. The fantasy and hope for what could be is shattered.  Reality arrives like a smack in the face.  People part ways.  Rarely does the affair blossom into a love story without the smudge of darkness shadowing a bright future.

To tell or not to tell.

When a person says they want to know the truth, are they truly ready to hear?  You revealing your indiscretions may trigger abuse, or rage and it can all become a living nightmare. 

Recovering and moving forward.

The most important things to remember when you’ve parted ways.


Nothing heals a bleeding heart like time can. Trust that as the weeks, months and years unfold you will become wiser from your experience which felt like a sword piercing your heart.


Don’t keep up the connection once you have said goodbye.  Honestly, how many “I miss you and you were the best thing that happened to me” do you need to say. Resist catching up, even as ‘just friends.  It’s not worth the pain of another goodbye.

Block their number, take off all the messages and voicemails from your phone.  

Spend time with quality friends who leave judgement at the door and embrace growth and understanding.

Remind yourself the valuable lessons learnt and move forward without resentment and you will attract the right person into your life.